My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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