Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize