the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
