She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
