I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize