Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want her autograph on my taint
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
