and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
