So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
