when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
