just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
