I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
