TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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