you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
