Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
