Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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