made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
