Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize