Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
