Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
