i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
