I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
