nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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