uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
