I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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