is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
