went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
