Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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