you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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