She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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