We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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