I'm lost and stupid without you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
