man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Naked. naked and bneed help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
