I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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