I showed him my bush... on skype.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
