We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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