Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
