it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
