You're my little dorito
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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