i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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