Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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