I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
