so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
