i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
