I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
