6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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