Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize