how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
