can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
