Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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