Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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