i just sent this text using only my big toe
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
