Cold hands, warm shart.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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