I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
