I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got chris browned last night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
