just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
how does that bad decision feel?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
