pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
