No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
