she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
