Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
