i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
