DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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