im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Holy shit dude........stairs
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