please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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