You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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