put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
