she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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