she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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