This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
