dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
