What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
