I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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