i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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